That’s Rough, Buddy: How to Show Emotional Support on Social Media
by Phoebe English
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When your friends post about their problems online, how can you show support and friendship—without looking like a jerk?
We’ve all had that moment. A friend posts something on social media that lets you know he or she is obviously struggling, and you want to help, but you just don’t know how. What can you say that will make your friend feel loved and supported? How do you make sure that you don’t accidentally come across as uncaring and risk causing further hurt? A survey of university students may help provide some answers.
THE RESEARCH
In their study “‘PM Me’ or ‘LOL’: Young Peoples’ Observations of Supportive and Unsympathetic Responses to Distress on Social Media,” researchers Bilal Nasier, Kerry Gibson, and Susanna Trnka assessed how to best support friends on social media who share that they’re struggling. The researchers presented college students with a survey that asked open-ended questions about how participants supported each other online, what they saw other people do to show emotional support, and what kind of support they felt was helpful. In particular, students were asked to provide examples of helpful and unhelpful comments. Each response was then categorized into sub-groups.
The most common responses in the helpful category were words of encouragement (mentioned in 37% of responses) and offers to talk (mentioned in 32% of responses). Respondents also reported that liking posts, offering practical help, sharing personal experiences, and even sharing memes can be good ways to support someone in need. One respondent said, “Just a message…accompanied by supporting emojis like the love hearts show your support for them, adding empathetic emojis like sad faces or angry faces show support for how they are feeling in their situation.”
“Just a message…accompanied by supporting emojis like the love hearts show your support for them, adding empathetic emojis like sad faces or angry faces show support for how they are feeling in their situation.”
Nasier, Gibson, and Trnka (2021)
The most common responses in the unhelpful category described comments that were minimizing (mentioned in 44% of responses), placing blame on or making fun of the poster (19%), and encouraging self-harm (2%). Responding with laughing emojis and tagging friends was also discouraged.
THE IMPLICATIONS
This research provides concrete and practical ways to help friends on social media who are hurting. In addition to offering encouragement, one of the best ways to help is one-on-one conversation, whether in person, over DMs, or on a video call. One respondent said, “An invitation to take a conversation about sensitive issues out of the public arena and into a ‘pm’ [private/personal message] appears to meet the need to express distress openly but in a safe environment.” With an understanding of which responses are most helpful, social media users can learn from this study to communicate their love and support more effectively to those who may need it the most.
To learn more about how to respond in negative situations, read the full article:
Nasier, Bilal, Kerry Gibson, and Susanna Trnka. 2021. “‘PM Me’ or ‘LOL’: Young Peoples’ Observations of Supportive and Unsympathetic Responses to Distress on Social Media.” Computers in Human Behavior 124 (November). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2021.106933.
—Phoebe English, Netiquette
FEATURE IMAGE BY MATTHEW HENRY
Find more research
Take a look at Sarah Elliot’s Netiquette article for more information on how communication is perceived online: “Periods: Polite to Use or Not to Use.”
Check out Richard Beazer’s Netiquette article for more information on creating positive online spaces: “Positive Politeness on YouTube.”
That’s Rough, Buddy: How to Show Emotional Support on Social Media
When your friends post about their problems online, how can you show support and friendship—without looking like a jerk?
We’ve all had that moment. A friend posts something on social media that lets you know he or she is obviously struggling, and you want to help, but you just don’t know how. What can you say that will make your friend feel loved and supported? How do you make sure that you don’t accidentally come across as uncaring and risk causing further hurt? A survey of university students may help provide some answers.
THE RESEARCH
In their study “‘PM Me’ or ‘LOL’: Young Peoples’ Observations of Supportive and Unsympathetic Responses to Distress on Social Media,” researchers Bilal Nasier, Kerry Gibson, and Susanna Trnka assessed how to best support friends on social media who share that they’re struggling. The researchers presented college students with a survey that asked open-ended questions about how participants supported each other online, what they saw other people do to show emotional support, and what kind of support they felt was helpful. In particular, students were asked to provide examples of helpful and unhelpful comments. Each response was then categorized into sub-groups.
The most common responses in the helpful category were words of encouragement (mentioned in 37% of responses) and offers to talk (mentioned in 32% of responses). Respondents also reported that liking posts, offering practical help, sharing personal experiences, and even sharing memes can be good ways to support someone in need. One respondent said, “Just a message…accompanied by supporting emojis like the love hearts show your support for them, adding empathetic emojis like sad faces or angry faces show support for how they are feeling in their situation.”
The most common responses in the unhelpful category described comments that were minimizing (mentioned in 44% of responses), placing blame on or making fun of the poster (19%), and encouraging self-harm (2%). Responding with laughing emojis and tagging friends was also discouraged.
THE IMPLICATIONS
This research provides concrete and practical ways to help friends on social media who are hurting. In addition to offering encouragement, one of the best ways to help is one-on-one conversation, whether in person, over DMs, or on a video call. One respondent said, “An invitation to take a conversation about sensitive issues out of the public arena and into a ‘pm’ [private/personal message] appears to meet the need to express distress openly but in a safe environment.” With an understanding of which responses are most helpful, social media users can learn from this study to communicate their love and support more effectively to those who may need it the most.
To learn more about how to respond in negative situations, read the full article:
Nasier, Bilal, Kerry Gibson, and Susanna Trnka. 2021. “‘PM Me’ or ‘LOL’: Young Peoples’ Observations of Supportive and Unsympathetic Responses to Distress on Social Media.” Computers in Human Behavior 124 (November). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2021.106933.
—Phoebe English, Netiquette
FEATURE IMAGE BY MATTHEW HENRY
Find more research
Take a look at Sarah Elliot’s Netiquette article for more information on how communication is perceived online: “Periods: Polite to Use or Not to Use.”
Check out Richard Beazer’s Netiquette article for more information on creating positive online spaces: “Positive Politeness on YouTube.”
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